Say Something
by tstreetsa
Summary: "I can't stand here everyday and watch you look at me with doubt in your eyes. I can't simply sit here, always on the verge of a panic attack at the thought that you might just suddenly give up and walk out on me one day." AU-ish, Post-ep 7x01.


**Disclaimer: Nope, don't own them.**

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><p>"I can't do this anymore."<p>

Kate freezes, her back to him.

"I can't do this anymore." He repeats.

She slowly turns around.

"What?"

His eyes are stormy blue when he takes a step towards her.

I can't stand here everyday and watch you look at me with doubt in your eyes. I can't simply sit here, always on the verge of a panic attack at the thought that you might just suddenly give up and walk out on me one day.

She takes a shuddering breath, trying to swallow the lump in her throat.

"Cas-" she tries.

He studies her face for a moment then looks away.

"Kate, it's been six months since I came back, and despite our best efforts, we are no closer to finding out what happened. This could take years for all we know."

She swallows again as he continues.

"I think I could live with that, I could live with knowing that just as long as we don't close the doors on it entirely, we'd know the truth someday. I have come to peace with that fact. Because Beckett, no matter how scared I am, I know in my heart that I would never do anything to jeopardize us and the future that we planned to have. This thing… between us, what we fought to get to for four long years, nothing is more important to me than this."

At this, he brings his head up again, looking straight at her eyes.

"But the thing is, I'm not sure if you realize that too. I feel you pulling away from me. I feel this heavy void between us and sometimes I find it hard to breathe through the desperation and panic of trying to fix this. I need to know that you will be here, with me, regardless of what we find out. Regardless of what I did. You need to stop looking into this case, Kate. It will come to as just as it did with your mother's case."

Her heart clenches at the desolation of his tone, and she wants to reach out and touch him, reassure him. But she remembers all of the evidence stacking against him. Fighting against it for months, fighting what she knows in her head is right has been exhausting. She has tried her best to keep the façade going, because she knows it will hurt him, but the war in her head and her heart has apparently been more evident than she thought.

"I love you, Kate. More than anything or anyone in this world. I know that everything looks grim right now, and that it's all the evidence against _me_, who can't even remember anything. But I am asking you to believe me again, jump in with me again. Don't shut me out."

She was so busy looking at him, or trying to, with the tears blurring in her eyes that she belatedly noticed that he was stretching out his hand for her.

She looked at it, finally feeling her tears start to fall when she realized what he was asking, and knowing what this meant.

Trying to keep her sobs at bay, she looked up to find him looking at her intently, as if his look alone will will her to trust him again completely.

"Kate," he whispers, trying not to let his hand shake with all the emotion he feels weighing down on him, still refusing to give this up.

She shakes her head and it's as if everything is crashing down on him.

"Castle," she sobs, "I'm sorry." Then she turns away.

He feels as if he's been struck by lighting, standing there in shock for what seems like hours. He lets his arm fall back beside him, suddenly feeling numb.

He looks at the way her shoulders are shaking from the force of her suppressed emotion, letting it fleet into his mind that this will probably be the last image he has of Kate Beckett.

Without saying anything else, he walks out of her door.

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><p>Lanie finds her sitting at the corner of her couch, nursing a once hot cup of tea. It has been a week since… the incident with Castle.<p>

She almost scoffs at herself for not being able to think about the exact words.

She doesn't even look up when her friend sits opposite her.

"You don't look fine to me." She starts.

"But I am."

"Fine does not sit on her couch with tear tracks staining her face. Fine does not lounge in her ex's clothes."

She takes a sharp intake of breath at that. She hasn't even realized she started crying again at some point.

"Don't call him that."

Lanie softens up at her statement. "Kate, you know I love you and I am always on your side. I also understand why this had to happen, even if you love him. But, what's the point of all that if you cannot decide to trust him? He just released you from your misery."

"Did he? Then why do I feel more miserable now?"

She doesn't get an answer.

"It's just, I don't know what to believe anymore. Then he was suddenly asking me to forget everything and just continue on as if nothing happened. But what if there's actual proof comes along that proves every single one of the evidence? What happens to us then? He knows me, he should know me. He should know that I rely on what I can see, on what is tangible. He can't just tell me to forget everything. It scares me that it's so easy for him to disregard that."

"You know no one knows you better than he does. You believed him when he was being framed by Tyson. What makes this time so different, Kate?"

She takes a shuddering breath, feeling tears threatening again behind the surface of her eyelids.

"I don't know. It's just this feeling I have that I can't shake off. I tried, Lanie. You know I did. And you know beyond any doubt that I love him. But… What if it's all true?"

"And what if it isn't? Kate, you do understand that when the time comes that this blows over… He may not want you back anymore."

Kate knew this of course, but hearing it said in actual words has her heart constricting so hard that she's having difficulty breathing.

She feels her friend coming closer, embracing her trembling body and she can't help but cling to her. The pain is coming in such strong waves at the reality of the thought that she might have broken them for good.

"What should I do, Lane?"

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><p>He's attending the gala that Black Pawn hosts annually. He doesn't even remember how he got here.<p>

It's been a two weeks since his last confrontation with Beckett and everything is encased in a numbing haze.

"Richard?" He hears his ex-wife's voice. "Get over here, I want to introduce you to some people."

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><p>She looks at herself in the mirror, making sure that every curl is in place. She meticulously chose everything that she will wear tonight, knowing what he likes on her best.<p>

After fastening the last earring, she turns left and right, noting that there is nothing else in her face or her body that she can obsess about just to keep her nervousness at bay.

She knows what she's doing is a risk. They'll be in front of loads of people and the press. But she remembers his earnestness when he asked her to be his date to this particular event. He always makes her feel as if she's the most important person in the world, and yet she repays him with her behavior.

She blinks back tears again at the thought that this night may not go so well despite her efforts.

With a last look at her reflection, she takes her purse and her coat before walking out the door.

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><p>The entryway is filled with people, she can barely see a thing inside.<p>

She steps out of her car, keeping her head down and trying to find her way to the door.

"Katherine?"

She stops in her tracks.

"Martha." She heaves a sigh of relief despite the trepidation she also feels at seeing her.

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm looking for Rick."

"I don't think this is the best place for whatever you are planning."

Kate looks her in the eye. "I actually think this is perfect for it. Is he in there already?"

Martha looks her over carefully before answering.

"Yes, he should be in there, somewhere. Considering he hasn't drowned himself with alcohol yet."

Kate looks at the floor briefly for a second before catching his mother's eyes again. "I'll make sure not to let him do that anymore."

Martha just nods. "Well I guess I'll leave you to try your best. You look wonderful, darling. But I'm not sure that's going to matter anymore to Richard."

She gives a small smile and takes a shaky hand to tuck a curl behind her ear.

Martha stares at her back with a sigh.

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><p>He feels her presence even before he sees her.<p>

He freezes, not believing that she would actually have the nerve to show up here.

He's in the middle of a throng of writers, pretending to listen and trying to laugh at the right moments. But the cackle of electricity at his spine won't go away so he finally turns his head, and finds her staring straight at him.

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><p>She squeezes herself between groups and groups of people, trying to find his familiar head amongst all of it.<p>

She feels his proximity even before she sees him, so she sweeps her immediate area, finally locating him laughing in the middle of a group of men.

She keeps staring, knowing that somehow, he would feel the pull of her presence.

The moment it registers is evident to her even from a few feet away. His spine stiffens, and he looks around before his eyes land on her.

His blue gaze turns to ice.

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><p>She gathers all her strength despite the weakening of her knees as she walks towards him.<p>

The people around him suddenly seem to disperse as they all notice her walking towards them.

When she's standing in front of him, she finds herself staring at his jaw as he stonily stares past her.

She waits for him to say something, but it doesn't come. She understands that this will all be on her tonight, he won't be moving an inch to help her.

"Hi, Rick." She whispers softly.

Still nothing.

At this point, fresh tears are again pricking her eyes.

"I came here to tell you something."

Nothing.

" I did a little cleaning at my place today."

He looks at her then, face still stony and indifferent, but maybe a little curious why she was telling him about her housekeeping activities.

Taking a fortifying breath, she hangs on to this small ray of hope.

"It feels so much better there right now, after I've thrown away all the junk that I had lying around all these months. It almost feels like a new beginning."

Another breath.

"I even cleaned out my window shutters, let a bit of sunshine in so it won't be too stuffy."

She was looking at her hands as she told him this.

"You did?"

Her heads snaps up at his question, tears already welling up in her eyes.

She gives a rapid shake of her head in approval, noticing that he was now looking directly at her even if there was still no indication of anything else.

"Yeah," she whispers. "I finally realized that keeping it there won't help me in any way at all in living my life. It just blocks the sun from coming in."

"What did you do with all that trash?" He asks in a gruff voice.

She looks up at him, giving him a soft tearful smile.

"Threw it away of course."

"All of it?"

"No, the other recyclable things, I brought them to the precinct. Gave it to the Captain. I thought maybe she could help me find some use of it."

His eyes are now crinkled at the sides.

"So what do you plan to do now? Now that there is sunshine again?"

"Actually, I was planning to take a vacation."

He looks at her surprisingly then, "really?"

"Yeah." She says softly. "I think I could take in more of the sun that way."

"So… Did you come here to invite me to this little excursion of yours?"

A full smile breaks out of her face, her tears falling at the same time. She then takes a trembling hand, reaches for his, laces it together and looks at it for a long moment, feeling her heart ready to burst with happiness.

He steps forwards, wipes a tear of her cheek before cradling her face.

She looks up at him with so much love and adoration that it almost brings her to her knees.

"Yes, that is exactly what I came here for." She says before taking a step forward, and melding her lips with his, feeling his arms go around her waist, and his body soften in relief.

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><p><strong>AN: I had to get it down, it won't leave me alone. Please review! :)<strong>


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